Sunday, September 27, 2009
Yesterday it was Eve's 8th birthday and I decided that enough was enough and that I would take the pictures that I have been wanting and dreading to. I asked myself.."Are you ever really going to be ready?" Obviously this was a "no", so I knew that I just had to do it. I fit into my dress and yes that was the ultimate goal so why all the hesitation? I always demand soo much out of myself and I CANNOT do that anymore!!! I am on the brink of so much these days and vastly approaching the number "30"! I am not getting any younger and I have to be comfortable with that and love essentially the skin I am in. These pictures are not by any means perfect, but they represent the real me. I am so many things, so many things that I am still discovering. This dress ties in my past, my present and my future. I am not the same person I was on that day almost 9 years ago, I feel more as if I was hiding her. I didn't honestly know how to handle her or make her fit in my life. I love the analogy of the puzzle which I have said before...now as I am getting older I am finding pieces that have always been there and I just kept passing them aside and now I have to get on with it and make them fit otherwise the whole puzzle (life) will be ruined and I will never reap the reward of such a magnificent picture awaiting me at the end. I am learning to be humbled and seek for help and accept it and most of all knowing I cannot do it all on my own. I have a close friend who did something similar and then she posted her pictures and wrote words that touched my soul. I look up to her so much and I am amazed at the strength and love that she holds. I will say it again..I am blessed with the friends and family that become intertwined in my life.
Anyway, I am going to wait until Eve's baptism to post the rest of the pictures with me and Eve because they are so completely special to me. She is my only girl and I love her more than words can ever describe. I will look back on these pictures and be so thankful that we took an hour out of our busy schedule for such priceless memories. I will hold them in my heart forever! I was crying off and on all day yesterday and a little at church today. I know it has not all hit, but it will by the baptism and I only can pray for strength and comfort. I am also starting my therapy on Thursday, so there is a lot on my plate right now- I am walking blindly by faith, faith to know that this is what I have to do and that's it's the right decision.
Here are the rest of the pictures.