Tuesday, May 26, 2009

So Thankful For My Kids!

I just came in from kissing my kids goodnight. I fall short in so many areas and I know I need to be more affectionate with my kids, love them, snuggle them, smell their sweet smells! My children are my life, they keep me going. When life gets tough I think of them and what joy and meaning they bring into my life. I am also learning how to recognize how different and special they are. I am so thankful that God has entrusted these priceless souls to us.

I came upon the news for a minute and came away with heart ache and tears. I have to honestly ask God WHY?! Why does such evil happen in this world? How do people get so far gone that they hurt others?

The news flashed that a 31 year old mother pushed her 7 year old daughter and her 4 year old son off a high bridge in Portland tonight. My 2 oldest children are the same age! I immediately thought about them and put them in that situation and staged it in my head. I could imagine the fear that my children would have and I am sure THOSE POOR kids had too! The facial expressions! The heartache! The terror! The loneliness! How horrible it must have been for them to have this mother who is suppose to be their guardian, the one who watches over them so that bad things don't happen to them to force them to a terrifying death. The girl ended up floating down the water and was about to go down and her brother died either from impact on the water or from drowning. A couple that own a house boat were out on their deck and heard some weird noises and disregarded it and then kept hearing it and they decided that it didn't sound normal so they went out on their boat and found that 7 year old girl fighting for her life. She was starting to go down and the man jumped in to get her and that's when the lady noticed she wasn't alone and her precious dead brother was floating by her! I could not imagine the shock and pain that they felt. This couple was so grateful to save that little girl, but they will always wonder IF ONLY THEY HAD GOTTEN OUT ON THEIR BOAT SOONER! What if you had to live with that for the rest of your life? I know it would always bring me sorrow and anguish. The only thing that comforts me is that God has this precious little boy and this little girl that was saved will be in a much better and safer place. I pray to GOD that angels were with these children and carried them and that this 4 year old boy didn't have to feel any pain. I hope to God that as soon as he fell angels took him in the air and carried the little girl. It is a mystery why we would be put in such situations because God knows what is to come, what will happen, what we will do... and still these precious souls were given to this mom who clearing wasn't fit. I don't understand why people don't recognize when they need help?! If you are thinking about hurting your children that is a major red light, to stop! We have no right to inflict pain on another, we are all God's children!!! I pray for the father of these children that he will have peace and understanding to what has happened and that he had no control over it! How could you ever trust your spouse or another human being with your children is beyond me. I just want to express how deeply grateful I am for my family and how they mean everything to me.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Stink'in Yardwork!

This was my first project..I got rid of the nasty sand pit. The whole thought of neighborhood cats and dogs getting in there was enough for me so I decided to make a little flower garden. I though maybe in the future it would be more for Eve to take care of and be in charge of. You can also see all the yellow grass where I sprayed killer on it.

It is not so much fun taking up grass and I am rather sick and tired of it, but I still have a long way to go yet. All the green is where I am keeping grass and after it's done it will look great! We had a mad infestation of moss this year so I said to heck with it! I am taking up all the grass where it is prone to be more wet or mossy.

This took a few days to take up and put the stones and ground cover down. In the long run I know I will be happier with it and it will be much more appealing.

Jackson showing you the back.

YEP! A long way to go! arg...

I am taking out all the back grass too. My raised beds are in serious need of attention, but first comes first.

Eve looks sleepy in this picture.

That's my boy!

That's Daddy's boy!

"J man" loves mak'in faces.

Always something in his mouth.

"Can I get a WHAT WHAT?!"

Monday, May 11, 2009

What happened to my baby?!

Another Mother's Day come and gone in a flash. I ended up having to work it because we are taking off for Father's Day and I can't have both off. I actually didn't mind too much, I know my kids love me and that's enough for me.

This month is already going by in a whirl and I have so many things on my mind and projects I am starting or in the middle of. lol- I have been doing some yard work and taking some of my nasty grass out. I am so sick and tired of grass! This year is the worst for moss and icky spots. I decided to heck with it! I am taking out some of it to make it easier on myself. I will love myself later for it even though I make myself mad now by putting me in this situation in the first place. But that is who I am, it is a constant tug of war. I love and thrive on projects. I am a super-duper multitasker /perfectionist. And when alls said and done and the task is finished I am left somewhat empty, but if I get overboard then I enflict poor health on myself from stress and allergies. uhg! Will someone help me?! ha, ha,ha...I am sure there have to be others like me out there. My family just thinks I am crazy and insane. It's the running joke that Geoff went to work and came home with different colored walls. Oh well! it keeps me going and happy.

I can't believe it is already coming up on the middle of the month and that means my vacation is that much closer! YAY!!!!!! I am so excited to go see my sister Amber and her family and get in all the church sites and temples. I am really looking forward to having this experience with Eve, Jackson and Manti. They haven't been on a vacation like this in over 2 years so it will be a blast!

As I said before about time going by so fast, I find myself looking at Manti every day and noticing it stealing a piece of his babyness. I honestly don't remember it going this fast! What is up? That little boy face is peeking through and about to take over! I just look and stare....what is he going to look like, WAITE! not going! IS! oh my goodness!! I can already see how individual he is, like as in...how he looks a lot like Jackson, but some like Eve too. It is crazy for me to experience this because it has always been hard to imagine the unknown. I have my girl and my boy and now this other boy who is all his own and so special- no one else like him in all the world. I sit back and think how thankful I am for these wonderful spirits and how I should take that time to be grateful a lot more. My fear is to be like Adam Sandler in CLICKE and fast forward through life only to jump ahead to a lot of empty memories. I could imagine being all alone and wishing with all my heart to have that time back and realizing it for the first time just how precious it was. I know that satan works on me and this is how he does it.


I know I need to be so much better about this. What is really important to me? I hope that you all cuddle your children up real tight and tell them just how much you love them and how important they are to you.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Epic Moment!

I have learned so much over the years. I want you to contemplate about your own personal goals as you look through these pictures and when you read the caption at the end. I want to say that I am so thankful for my blessings, that Heavenly Father knows what is important to you and me and most of all my sanity. lol. I know what ever you put your mind to you can achieve!

- Me calling my friends after my momentous ocasion.

I have been real busy lately and thought I should see if my wedding dress fits! I figured it would give me some sense of determination to fit into it by the time I leave for Utah in the end of July. So I went to get it and I realized that the zipper lined up!!! Oh, my gosh!! I am in shock- who would've thought this could be happening right now?! I have 3 beautiful kids and my body has been a collision course. I have gained and lost so much the last 8 1/2 years of my life. I have yoyo-ed a total of around 160 lbs- I AM NOT KIDDING YOU! This is not how much I have weighed it is how much I have gained and lost!! 80 odd pounds here, another 40 there and some over there and a little more over my natural weight with my last baby. THANK HEAVENS!! It has been such a struggle and I am still figuring out who I am? Where do I belong? Where am I happy with? I like to look in the mirror and love the person that is staring back at me, I owe that to myself! I deserve that! My children deserve a mother that loves herself and is happy and in return - a better life for them.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

My Wedding Ring

It's been a difficult week.

You may be wondering why I have this picture up?
This is really the only picture I could find that showed my wedding ring.

I have been reflecting on my life quite a bit lately.
This week hit pretty hard and I found myself asking all sorts of questions.
After a rather rough couple days I went to work telling myself it will all be fine.
I went to wash my hands before I clocked on and my ring immediately slipped off and without thinking about it, impulsively I happened to catch it with my other hand all while I still had soap on my hands to perfectly slide on another finger.

The drain in our employee bathroom is open without any sort of a plug. It would've been lost! I have felt so emotionally drained and the last thing I wanted to do was work. When the ring slipped it was as if something had moved my body to catch it because I didn't even see it fall. It was like my body couldn't catch up to my brain the instant I noticed the feeling of the ring off my finger...bare skin!! It happened in a split second and I felt a rush of almost a heart crushing pain followed by a pure thankfulness to my Heavenly Father watching over me and knowing what that meant to me.

There was one of my friends in the room and she looked over at me with eyes wide open in shock and a mouth gaping wide. I asked her," Did you see that?" She of course had and was stunned that I caught it. I tried to control myself and choked back the tears as I had all week, and told her I really don't know what I would've done if it fell down that drain! I am sure I would've had an emotional breakdown, it's been a hard week.

I have had a few people comment on my ring lately and how pretty it is. I am not boasting that it is from Tiffany's or anything! But it is my ring and it is special to me. I had already lost my first wedding set the day I found out that we were having our first boy (Jackson).

So with that I wanted something that I could look at all my life and still love. I had designed the set I have now and had it made by a jeweler in Portland. My ring is just an earthly thing, but it means so much more to me. I have been thinking about all the memories it holds and promises it symbolizes. It used to be just shy of perfect and all sparkly and now I look at the scratches it has and how dirty it gets and understand the meaning of those as well (wear and tear). I chose a ring that was classic, an illumination of an eternal ring of diamonds with a metal that is stronger than others. This ring is pretty much me to a "T". I am so thankful for the love that it holds and the bond it strengthens.