Thursday, February 25, 2010

Saturday, February 20, 2010


Here it is
and my new email for it..


Friday, February 19, 2010

New Blog Coming SOON!

Well after a lot of thought and not as much going on for the next little while.. I have to decided to finally create my own special blog. The Swangerlings one will be our family and events and so forth.

The blog will feature everything fun and wonderful. I will be posting things that I find that inspire me..whether they be people or some work of art does not matter. I will start from that point and see how far I go with it and if I get many followers. My goal is for it to be a blank piece of paper..something that can be ANYTHING! I encourage comments and ideas and links. I hope to post fashion designs as well with LOTS of photography that I will do myself. Eve of course will be my model..which she is extremely excited about and I will feature my friends kids as well. I really hope this blog takes off because everyone needs inspiration and delight in their lives- it makes us happy! Who knows maybe I will end up getting my own buisiness some day, but until then I need a creative outlet with interaction from others. I want to learn and understand how to do things. It is such a great feeling when you look at a nicely finished product that you made and you can say.." I DID THAT!" It's not about the showiness, it's about the accomplishment and the trials along the way that make us a wiser person.

So I bid you adue until then. (I really don't know how to spell that. lol)

Thursday, February 18, 2010


I really appreciate all your input, it truly does help. I go so back and forth about what I want to do and what I was really meant to do. Something that has always stuck with me in the back of my head is my blessing that says that I will be able to receive education that will be MOST MEANINGFUL TO ME. I don't really care about the degree part. There are soooo many people that do so many talented things that never went to school or finished for that matter. My goal is to do something that I love within my home (most of the time)lol. I long to help provide and yet have more time with my children and all at the same time expand and utilizing my talents that God gave me. I would absolutely love to have a special creative room that is all my own to go crazy in.
All in due time :)
Until then I will get some classes in and do the things that I have always wanted to do.

Oh and thanks for the complements you all are so sweet...if only I could have you all on my shoulders. he,he

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

I need more GLAM

Stunning Black and White Couture Rhinestone Sequin Headband
Stunning Black and White Couture Rhinestone Sequin Headband Stunning Black and White Couture Rhinestone Sequin Headband Stunning Black and White Couture Rhinestone Sequin Headband Stunning Black and White Couture Rhinestone Sequin Headband Stunning Black and White Couture Rhinestone Sequin Headband


I am constantly trying to find myself and what my passion truly is. Above is something I came across on ETSY. I love so many things, but to make a living of it is a different story. I do not want the stress of whatever I choose to overtake the love that I have for that particular job. Maybe there is a special career that I can make up that is a variety of things that all go together, that encompasses all that I am. I like to sew and I would love to learn how to look at something and be able to sew it myself and make the pattern for whatever comes into my head. I now know what my style is and I would love to show it more and make things that tell my story and shows my personality. I am finally at a point in my life where I am getting comfortable in my skin and I have accepted the fact that this is me and what's the point of changing it because I am getting happy with myself. I love fashion and design in all aspects. I don't want to stick myself in only one spot for the rest of my life causing me to miss out on so much more creativity. Maybe I will go to school for my own personal experience to find my skills and not just for some piece of paper that says that I have a degree in 1 single area. Oh I simply don't know :( I know I have some time, but I only get older by the day. lol

Here is the list..

Fashion Design (consisting of sewing, accessories, clothing construction, drawing, etc.)

Interior Design (more sewing, drawing, architecture, elemental configuration, building, etc.)

Photography (mainly taking photos of my own products because I am extremely OCD about the way that I want things to look and especially if I made it)

All of this is what makes me happy..I am a frilly, fancy, sparkly girl where too much is never enough!

I have confidence that I will figure it out someway.. somehow..and sometime.

Sunday, February 7, 2010


Here I am on the computer with no noise in the house....this is a severe rarity! I really feel the need to vent and just type.

These past several months have been extremely hard for me as you all know and something I am having to do out of desperation is RETRAINING myself. I know I have a problem and now with the meds it is all too apparent. Will I ever truly love myself? I feel like crying..for so long the tears just came and now it's kind of the opposite. Out of no where it will just is a hovering feeling and I cannot explain it to anyone, only ones who have gone through it know what I mean. I have had people tell me that I should not have any of those moments or feelings, but I don't agree. You can maybe say that to someone who has depression alone, but I have PTSD which triggers depression and sometimes it's the other way around. THIS is where satan has his hold and now I know it. I cannot tell you how hard it is to try constantly...yes, it is a lot better now, but I am getting so tired. I get so excited about something now and then the shadows roll in and it's like nothing really matters to the point to where I cry my heart out and pray to Heavenly Father to take my soul. I am not bad enough to the point of physical violence, but it does get to that point spiritually when I have my breakdowns. The PTSD sets in and my mind races with memories and feelings...sadness, anger, loss, inadequacy, numbness. My sister had a dream in which she saw me in my agony and she could see the evil spirits and how they where all around me hovering. She said the pain that they seek was so awful that it was exactly like the words in the scriptures. I had never really thought about it that way...the gnashing and wailing of teeth could also mean ALL the horrible feelings that you could not give to the Savior. This is the key that will make or break a person- Being ADDICTED to the pain- in return it becomes our crutch and our excuse for everything not enabling us to rise above and grow. We are here for our free agency and no one can make us do anything that we don't lastly do ourselves...YES people CAN and WILL hurt us, but what are we going to do with the after effects? I choose to say to my Heavenly Father....."Please help me to have the strength to give my frustrations and my inadequacies to my Savior because I know that he already bore it for me and I need to remember and not only KNOW, but FEEL his love!"

I don't want anyone to worry and I don't want sympathies either...I need your ear...I need to voice my feelings and accept them when they come and then do something with them. I already feel a lot better from writing this. Moments come and go and when it is bad they seem to take forever. When all the hinges start turning and working together and not against me... that is when I can sigh a breath of fresh air. Sometimes when my brain changes it is so drastic that I get a bit of a high like I have no cares in the world (my true self) and want to do so many things because I was so altered and then I tend to out do myself. I have been better about this too, like limiting my projects for the day..what's on the calender for the day? Things like that. I pray that I will spend my time more wisely and use it for good. I do want to learn and grow and prosper in any way possible. I still have so much more life to live and I don't want to go about it this way- full of stress and personal turmoil....I am achieving my tools now in hopes for the future.