Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Tiger's Driving Me CRAZY!!!

Oh my goodness I am about to go berserk! Manti is upstairs and not very happy about it.

I have had a list going in my head about all the different things that I have had to encounter with this one. There is something that gets added just about every week these days. lol

Things Manti loves to do:

-SCREAM! Not just scream, but SCREEEAAAMMM as if he is going into some sort of shock. I seriously think that he has stress attacks which I am going to address with the doctor on Friday.

- Convulsions with jumping and completely freaking at bed time. (tonight I put him in the crib and I heard something clink on the floor and I though" what the crap just happened?" so I checked the floor not wanting to turn the lights on and create more of a ruckus and lo and behold there was a screw that was lying on the carpet! A FLIPP'IN SCREW!!! I honestly don't know what I am going to do with this child.

-Wants what he wants when he wants it. Yes I did get that with Eve, but it was a little different and also she is a girl and girls always have tantrums, but Manti is definitely gaining on her.

-Terrible twos at around 20 months. Eve got hers early at around a year and Jackson skipped then all together.

-Mr. Independent. He really has just about no fear climbing on EVERYTHING, at least Eve was older when she went on her riots.

-Climbing into ANY sink/tub fully clothed and turning on the HOT water and just sitting and running his fingers through it.

- Opening ANY door knob! Guess you figured that from the previous sentence. lol He has not gotten the dead bolt, but he is not tall enough and there is no way he can really move anything over there to climb...YET :(

-Soooo attached to the bottle. We had to nix it and get rid of it this weekend and it has NOT been fun! He has been a complete MONSTER!!! (that's what his 2nd birthday theme is in Nov., so fitting.

- Eating toilet paper. What's up with that?! We actually had to lock our bathrooms and hide toilet paper.

-Sucking on wipes. Ummm, yeah not so fun.

-Playing in bathrooms, for instance a big one is stuffing faves like tooth brushes in toilets. YUM

-Knowing exactly what we are saying and opting to express (with facial features) like he doesn't understand until we say something that he doesn't like....for instance " wanna go in your crib" to which the reply is always "NO" and then quickly does what he was originally asked to do. Ya, I think he is finally realizing that we are on to him;)

- Constant noise...whether it's crying, whining, laughing, giggling, talking, noise making in general to the point where we have to tell him to be more quiet..it literally gives me a head ache.

-King of faces. Feelings paired with expression. Jackson always had funny faces, but they where just silly, but Tiger is something else I'll tell you!

- He growles like a tiger (so fitting) always has even as an infant when we didn't get food to him on time.

-CURLY, CURLY hair :) Yes he got that from his papa! It's just funny that his hair is so light (that's from me)

-Gorgeous big root beer colored eyes. ~Jacksons are army green/brown so pretty in the sun, they sparkle a with green on the outside ring. Well Eve's are like mine..beautiful blue eyed girl (glad I could contribute. he,he)

Anyway I am sure there is more, but that is about what is on the top of my list right now. I find it so funny how different each of my children are especially as Manti is getting older and discovering who he is.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Yesterday it was Eve's 8th birthday and I decided that enough was enough and that I would take the pictures that I have been wanting and dreading to. I asked myself.."Are you ever really going to be ready?" Obviously this was a "no", so I knew that I just had to do it. I fit into my dress and yes that was the ultimate goal so why all the hesitation? I always demand soo much out of myself and I CANNOT do that anymore!!! I am on the brink of so much these days and vastly approaching the number "30"! I am not getting any younger and I have to be comfortable with that and love essentially the skin I am in. These pictures are not by any means perfect, but they represent the real me. I am so many things, so many things that I am still discovering. This dress ties in my past, my present and my future. I am not the same person I was on that day almost 9 years ago, I feel more as if I was hiding her. I didn't honestly know how to handle her or make her fit in my life. I love the analogy of the puzzle which I have said before...now as I am getting older I am finding pieces that have always been there and I just kept passing them aside and now I have to get on with it and make them fit otherwise the whole puzzle (life) will be ruined and I will never reap the reward of such a magnificent picture awaiting me at the end. I am learning to be humbled and seek for help and accept it and most of all knowing I cannot do it all on my own. I have a close friend who did something similar and then she posted her pictures and wrote words that touched my soul. I look up to her so much and I am amazed at the strength and love that she holds. I will say it again..I am blessed with the friends and family that become intertwined in my life.

Anyway, I am going to wait until Eve's baptism to post the rest of the pictures with me and Eve because they are so completely special to me. She is my only girl and I love her more than words can ever describe. I will look back on these pictures and be so thankful that we took an hour out of our busy schedule for such priceless memories. I will hold them in my heart forever! I was crying off and on all day yesterday and a little at church today. I know it has not all hit, but it will by the baptism and I only can pray for strength and comfort. I am also starting my therapy on Thursday, so there is a lot on my plate right now- I am walking blindly by faith, faith to know that this is what I have to do and that's it's the right decision.

Here are the rest of the pictures.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Happy 8th Birthday EVE!!!

Well it's 4:31 am and I have already started the water works. I can't believe that my first baby is 8 years old today! This is a day that I have been dreading for a long long time and yet have longed for all at the same time. As a mother who has carried this child it is hard for me to look at her and see how fast time seems to slip by. Every day she is bigger, smarter and most of all not so inclined to need me anymore...she is growing up and today starts the path of her OWN journey. She is to be baptized on Oct. 10th at 9:00 in the morning and it is coming all too soon. I have to somehow get the program together which is really difficult for me right now. I have to get through this day and be strong. I love my little girl with all my heart! I always knew that my first would be a little girl, God knew my heart and my wish. Maybe it was because our bond was so tight in Heaven that I just knew that she would be here soon with me, I never really thought about it that way. It has been a struggle over the years, she is one of a kind and that's why I love her sooooo much! And as a first time mother I am always learning, Bishop said in her interview that first children should get extra points for putting up with everything. She is is simply amazing! She is wonderful! I always say she may look like me, but she is the spitting image of Geoff...to a "T". And yet I also see other sides to her that I have passed on. Eve is very intuitive and picks up on a lot of things that other kids don't (so we have learned to be careful, ha,ha) She is also very grown up for her age about life in general, we have been very open and in those instances she has blown me away by her understanding. I still am amazed...it seems like just a little while ago I was getting ready to go to the hospital because my water broke out of no where 3 weeks early! I remember my midwife asking when I called if I was sure that my water really broke? It cracks me up....up well I am having to put 3 towels between my legs and it's still gushing down the sides.lol It's a little graphic but that's life. We where so excited, everything was so new and adventurous. I used to lie awake during the night and ask Geoff.."What do you think she will look like?" "Who will she look like?" She came when she wanted, it's just like her to do so. Just about 25 min. of pushing and she was out with a splash. They set her on my lap and I had never seen anything so beautiful in all my life. She was tiny and perfect and exceptionally beautiful. She was a doll baby, I used to get all kinds of people that would ask if she modeled and they would take pictures of her because she has the most beautiful blueish aqua eyes. Days seems to pass without permission and that's how I am here 8 years later and wondering where did all the time go? I pray to Heavenly Father that when I die I will be able to remember! Remember all the precious memories so that I may hold them forever. I love my little girl.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Getting back in the Game

Just to let you know that whenever I don't keep up it's because I am having a difficult time. I am not going to go into details, but this has been the hardest two weeks I have just about ever had. I am confronting my past and my present and my future all at the same time and I have felt like I am going to break. I have been humbled and realize that this is all too big for me and this is what it takes for me to rely fully on the Lord. I have been there in a sense before for many situations in my life, but not my whole life. I feel like I need to get through this first otherwise I will not be strong enough when I go through my first session on Oct. 1st.

I am wondering where do I begin? Will I sound stupid? Self-involved? Ridiculous? These are all fears that I just need to conquer. I know that through this therapy process that I can get through the rest of my life hopefully without falling apart. I hope and pray that it brings me closer to my husband, my children and my family and friends.

I have learned who my true friends are. I taught RS yesterday and the lesson was on this very topic- How wonderful true friends are through adversity and how all of us in the Gospel should be a "just" friend! Someone asked what does that even mean? I think it mean something a little different to everyone because we all seek for different things and we are all individuals. To me it is a friend without limitations! A friend who just does without being asked or expected out of love and concern and simply wanting happiness for that other person and trying to share their load. I hope that I can be that friend to all of you! I hope that I can be that friend to myself!! We all need something.. love, affection, acceptance, honesty and loyalty to say the least. Thank you for being my friend.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

I am blessed

I have done something brave, something I have never done before...I MADE THE CALL!
As soon as I asked about the mental health services I started breaking down. I didn't think it would be that hard, but now that I look back I was only making excuses..oh, I was too busy...I had to go to work...the kids had appointments. I know that this is going to be the toughest thing that I am going to have to face. I need your prayers, your love- I am turning myself inside out.

When I was connected to the mental health Kaiser the lady that was evaluating me was amazing, she was wonderful. I know that this was only a phone visit to see what services I needed and what doctor would be more helpful for me personally..overall it was just nice to have someone in that field confirm that I have post traumatic stress disorder and that I need help right away. She was amazed that I have never had help before. I told her my main issues and she thought I was very observant and I said I am blessed to have friends and a couple sisters who have gone through PTS or work with people who do. I am so thankful for all of you who have been there for me because I could've NEVER made that call. I only appear to be a strong person, but this...this is too big for me!!! I am also blessed because I felt like LDS services would not be the best way to go and that's OK...I feel confirmation from that. We have full coverage and it is only $20.00 for personal and $10.00 for group sessions. I hope to work up to group sessions eventually, but it is not something that I feel I can't do anytime soon.

Anyway I know some of you have been asking if I have made the call or not so I wanted to let you know that I have taken that giant step for MYSELF.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Home Goods Entry

Alright so I had to put up these pictures again. I am entering in a contest through the Fall Nesting Party(http://theinspiredroom.net/2009/09/01/get-inspired-for-fall-fall-nesting-2009/) for Home Goods which is giving away 3 $200.00 gift cards. Oh that would be sooooo awesome! I have so many ideas that I would love to expand upon and this gift card would help me so much!!! My desire is to unify and yet make the 2 spaces distinctive.I think it is so wonderful that companies do this for us. Home Goods is my FAVORITE decor store of all time!!! No kidding on that one. I wish that it would've been around when we first built our house. I honestly could live there and be in heaven. Wish me luck!

Home Goods quiz

Sarah , you are a Glamorous Eclectic

You have wide-ranging interests and influences and so appreciate a mix of whatever you deem fantastic. You would be bored to tears using a matching suite of furniture or could never stand a home that seemed cookie-cutter. You fearlessly embrace luxury, beauty and fun. Velvet, silver, graphic patterns, even wallpaper; you understand the old-Hollywood, movie star sense of theatrical extravagance. You do not understand the minimalist idea of less is more. For you, more is more, so long as it is chic and exciting.

You value creativity. You are stylish and fun loving, and can be an inspiration to others. You have a natural sense of drama, and you know you have to be willing to take risks—whether with colors, finishes, furniture choices, or ideas—for your home to stand out. Your home can be happy and lively and the place all of your friends want to be.