HELLO!

AW MAN! So much has been going on these days....it has been a whirl wind around here. To fill you in, I had a blast with my family in October as you could tell, but I was ready to get back to my "insane" normalcy. Let's see..... November came in a flash and before I knew it it was Thanksgiving. I decided for the first time I would take it slow and stay home for most of the day and then go to Geoff's family's feast for a couple hours and then go back home and let me tell you how refreshing it was not having to worry about anything more than rolls and a bunch of deviled eggs. I have been listening to myself and recognizing when I need to slow down, speed up or just not do anything at all! I am getting tired of appointments already..for me, Geoff, Eve and Manti. Everyone is healthy- we are thankful for that. We are just trying to get through the day and not fall apart, me anyway. I have been on meds for a little while and they have helped more than I EVER would have dreamed!!! It makes me so grateful for the blessings of resources that are out there for us when we are in our time of need. YES, there are still some bad days, but for the most part I am doing a lot better. I am going to my Lord in all things and giving what I cannot handle to my Savior. How thankful I am for the knowledge of the true and everlasting Gospel. It is a sad day for me because I taught for the last time in Relief Society and it was heart breaking because I so loved my calling even though it required so much of me. When called, at first I though how could I teach? I am learning from so many others! I need to sit and receive direction from other's lessons..why me? And then a surge of calmness took over and the Spirit instilled a sense of motivation that I COULD do it! It was right and more than anything I have learned that with the Spirit by my side I can do anything no matter how hard it may seem- that is what faith is all about...accepting God's will and not ours.

So after Thanksgiving my baby turned 2 on the 30th. It makes me sad, but I am realizing that it's alright for time to move and I need to start rejoicing in it. I take baby steps. We had so much fun with our little family and the grandparents ONLY at Manti's monster birthday party. It was so fun to not have the stress. It was amazing to actually sit down and experience the party with my kids. I honestly have never done that really. We started off in the dining room with it all decorated and everything monsters. I thought how appropriate it would be to read a few monster books with my crazy monster mask on. It was so fun! My kids loved hearing the stories and then we all played 3 monster games..bone toss, monster match, and monster bingo. What a blast! And the cake...G had a great idea with this cool pan set I got him for his birthday one year. He teamed up with his mom and made the coolest monster ball cake, fully decorated with layers. The best part of all is that I didn't have to worry about making it..I was at work- how stress free is that?! We hung out and enjoyed our company together.

The next day after Tiger's bday we went to sunny KONA, HI ! It was kindof a surprise gift from G's parents with free air miles and 2 hundred dollar bills in a happy 9Th anniversary card! Oh they gave it to us on Manti's actual birthday which was on a Monday, but we celebrated the party the night before on Sunday. I was working a long shift and they came in for Manti's birthday for kid's eat free night and handed me the card and said that's you tip! lol NICE!!! I was not expecting that at all. They also helped us get in touch with a family friend so that we could stay with her for next to nothing. I had such a glorious time and we so needed it! It really made us think outside of the box and how much life there is to live and what we want to do with it. I felt like a kid again. So in short we are thinking of some drastic changes and we will see how it pans out. I could go on and on about this trip and how beautiful it was...in the 80s the whole time, sunny and looking at that gorgeous blue ocean. I honestly dream about it almost every night since I have been back. I did have quite a hard time adjusting back into the cold weather. I have never been on a trip in which I did not want to get off the plane. If it weren't for my kids..ha,ha. I actually was a little sad that they could not enjoy the beauty of the ocean for themselves.

This holiday season I am going lower stress....not so many decorations and only 1 tree. I am however doing the Christmas party at my house this year for the very first time ever! Something that is really nice that Geoff's family does is soups, sandwiches, appetizers, finger foods and deserts..oh did I mention deserts? lol I look forward to vegging out, playing games, seeing my kids' smiling faces as they open gifts and most of all the family memories that will be created.

October 09

This is miss Emily Jayne Manti's cousin...they are bestest friends and she was able to come stay with us for 2 weeks. We had so much fun and she loves to call him TI TI (sounded tie) it is sooo cute and now thats what the kids call him too.


Emily is only 10 weeks younger that Tiger so I know that they have a special bond.








We were able to get in a quick pumpkin patch trip from the one off the freeway and it was surprisingly better than I thought it would be.





The kids got their wagons and was off to find that special pumpkin.


Eve looks like a scarecrow in this picture.




Jackson was a little bummed because I told him he already got his earlier when his preschool went to Bizi Farms and that it wouldn't be fair if I said he could get a second one and not Eve or Manti.








There are lots of pictures of my sister Amber and her daughter Emily so be prepared for many pictures because these are for family members too.










I love this one!!!




Of course there always has to be one silly one and it's usually Jackson so I am really confused:)

He wanted to do it all by himself..it was so adorable. I can't believe that my baby is going to be 2 at the end of the month, it really does make me sad.






There is my crazy girl in the corn maze.


She cracks me up.


This was Jackson's Halloween party for his preschool. Jackson as you can see was Darth Vader this year and he got the breathing down too.


This is my fave! The little ghosts where such a good idea.










I invited my sister to come because I thought Emily would have a good time, but she really only enjoyed the sucker.






This is a little girl in Jack's preschool and she had the most beautiful costume on. Her family is from our church and in our ward and her grandmother made this costume..it was amazing!
I want one!


On the night before Halloween we all got together for a sister's night at my house. It was so nice to have the whole weekend off and enjoy the company.


These are my wonderful sisters..
back row: Linsy, Kaylene (sister in law), Amy, Debbie
front row:Lisa, me, Tania, Amber


Well since my sisters Amber and Linsy came into town my other sister Amy came in for the weekend from Pullman area and stayed at my house. Yes there where a lot of people in my house, but it was fun. Amy brought her 3 daughters as well.


Eve and Emma


I thought it would be really fun to dress up this year and be pary fairies for some odd reason. I don't even remember why or how I got the idea? It is funny because my sister Linsy had a dream about the party before she even knew about it and called me up after and asked if we where planning on doing anything on Halloween and if so dressing up? I thought it was so crazy because I had been meaning to ask them about it and just kept forgetting. Well we all decided to be our own fairy and yet be alike at the same time. I ended up going for more of a punk/gothic feel with the black for a change and more adult too. Linsy was a purple more gothic fairy, Amber was more of a dark Tinkerbell fairy and as for me..I am a mix of everything. I had this idea and then ended up expanding on it while we where making the costumes. Mine was a Grecian-Flapper style, it was different, but hey I am different!


I should've gone with the black shoes..oh well. By the way we made these costumes from scratch..we made the patterns and cut and sewed and cut again for hours. lol
















This one is my favorite.






This one is really cute.












Here we are setting off for trick or treating and I caught a bat...he,he. I loved this costume when Jackson wore in and I still love it..so adorable.




Linsy headed back to open the door for the trick or treaters at my house.




Our neighbors house was a little too scary for the kids. (Jackson mainly)




Eve was a dead Charpe' from high school musical. I don't know how to spell her name.

This is Jackson scared.


Manti wanted to walk by himself and hold the bucket all on his own and he did not like Eve telling him other wise.


He was mad that I cought a picture..got to get to that candy, candy, candy.




Emily loves bones...bones...bones....














They where so cute holding hands.


Eve got "eveattude" and started throwing a fit...it gets annoying.

We all just hung out after we went around the neighborhood and ate snacks.






We had a family night the next night and played some games at my brother's house.
















My brother Brandon and his wife Kaylene.




Emma and Eve

Reflection

Here she is!...YES that is my little girl. I sit and ponder about my little miracle, all babies are miracles. I remember how thankful I was that Heavenly Father sent me this angel....she was mine..NO she is OURS...it still really hits me. Do I really even know what an eternal family is?
She is a strong soul and she is so forgiving, wise beyond her years. I was amazed at her answers when she was interviewed by the bishop. I thought...I have not taught her enough, this is all her. She knew what she was doing and it made me happy that it was her choice, not because she felt like it was expected of her. EVE was baptized October 10th.





Geoff's dad gave the talk on baptism and auntie Jessie gave a talk on the Holy Spirit. I felt the Spirit so strong that it choked me up..their talks where perfect.

It is so special for me to look at this picture...I will always have mine in my head of when I was baptized and it looks so much like this one.



I love this picture because this is the way I want Eve to see me..with a smile. I had a big girl talk with her the other night and explained some heavy stuff to her. I felt that she deserved to know what has been going on with us lately..me mainly. I tossed it around in my head..is she too little? too young? The thought kept coming back that I really needed to sit down and have a heart to heart. I want her to know that I am so imperfect..that we all have struggles, we all get sad and some of us get really sad. I hope that though this she can learn that she can trust me and come to me with any difficulty that she faces. I promised myself that I would be open and honest with my kids...to just be real. Now the time has come to do just that.


Yah, she came home with the black eye from school and we don't know how she got it...lol




Our bishop and his wife.

Yummm coookkieeess






Geoff's sister Jessie and her family

After the baptism we went to Farmer's Market in downtown Vancouver.

Favorite auntie Shelle and EVE

At dinner time our friends came back over and we ate and played some games.



Oh! We had ice cream sundaes too...soooo good.

Sunday

I just thought of this..so cute! During conference Manti gets the wipes on the floor and I could hear the bag so I of course barked at him.."What are you doing!!!?" I look over and see him with those sweet big brown eyes and he looks at me like "mommy what's wrong?" The bag wasn't opened to my surprise and then I surveyed what he was doing. I looked down in my frustration and saw "Lucky" our St. Patricks March bear from Build a Bear and realized what he was up to...Manti was holding a diaper and trying to arrange it in a way that he could open it to put in under Lucky's bum. I then felt like a HORRIBLE mother and was sad for a few seconds and then I asked myself "what are you going to do?" I picked up the diaper and helped Tiger open it and put it on Lucky..he looked up with such a gleam in his eye and smiled a gigantic smile with an adorable laugh. It was simple thing, a simple moment, but it was wonderful and it taught me so much! Through my troubles and frustrations/stress.... it is robbing me of my small and precious moments! My little boy is growing up and I will NEVER be able to turn back the clock.

Tiger's Driving Me CRAZY!!!

Oh my goodness I am about to go berserk! Manti is upstairs and not very happy about it.

I have had a list going in my head about all the different things that I have had to encounter with this one. There is something that gets added just about every week these days. lol

Things Manti loves to do:

-SCREAM! Not just scream, but SCREEEAAAMMM as if he is going into some sort of shock. I seriously think that he has stress attacks which I am going to address with the doctor on Friday.

- Convulsions with jumping and completely freaking at bed time. (tonight I put him in the crib and I heard something clink on the floor and I though" what the crap just happened?" so I checked the floor not wanting to turn the lights on and create more of a ruckus and lo and behold there was a screw that was lying on the carpet! A FLIPP'IN SCREW!!! I honestly don't know what I am going to do with this child.

-Wants what he wants when he wants it. Yes I did get that with Eve, but it was a little different and also she is a girl and girls always have tantrums, but Manti is definitely gaining on her.

-Terrible twos at around 20 months. Eve got hers early at around a year and Jackson skipped then all together.

-Mr. Independent. He really has just about no fear climbing on EVERYTHING, at least Eve was older when she went on her riots.

-Climbing into ANY sink/tub fully clothed and turning on the HOT water and just sitting and running his fingers through it.

- Opening ANY door knob! Guess you figured that from the previous sentence. lol He has not gotten the dead bolt, but he is not tall enough and there is no way he can really move anything over there to climb...YET :(

-Soooo attached to the bottle. We had to nix it and get rid of it this weekend and it has NOT been fun! He has been a complete MONSTER!!! (that's what his 2nd birthday theme is in Nov., so fitting.

- Eating toilet paper. What's up with that?! We actually had to lock our bathrooms and hide toilet paper.

-Sucking on wipes. Ummm, yeah not so fun.

-Playing in bathrooms, for instance a big one is stuffing faves like tooth brushes in toilets. YUM

-Knowing exactly what we are saying and opting to express (with facial features) like he doesn't understand until we say something that he doesn't like....for instance " wanna go in your crib" to which the reply is always "NO" and then quickly does what he was originally asked to do. Ya, I think he is finally realizing that we are on to him;)

- Constant noise...whether it's crying, whining, laughing, giggling, talking, noise making in general to the point where we have to tell him to be more quiet..it literally gives me a head ache.

-King of faces. Feelings paired with expression. Jackson always had funny faces, but they where just silly, but Tiger is something else I'll tell you!

- He growles like a tiger (so fitting) always has even as an infant when we didn't get food to him on time.

-CURLY, CURLY hair :) Yes he got that from his papa! It's just funny that his hair is so light (that's from me)

-Gorgeous big root beer colored eyes. ~Jacksons are army green/brown so pretty in the sun, they sparkle a with green on the outside ring. Well Eve's are like mine..beautiful blue eyed girl (glad I could contribute. he,he)


Anyway I am sure there is more, but that is about what is on the top of my list right now. I find it so funny how different each of my children are especially as Manti is getting older and discovering who he is.

Yesterday it was Eve's 8th birthday and I decided that enough was enough and that I would take the pictures that I have been wanting and dreading to. I asked myself.."Are you ever really going to be ready?" Obviously this was a "no", so I knew that I just had to do it. I fit into my dress and yes that was the ultimate goal so why all the hesitation? I always demand soo much out of myself and I CANNOT do that anymore!!! I am on the brink of so much these days and vastly approaching the number "30"! I am not getting any younger and I have to be comfortable with that and love essentially the skin I am in. These pictures are not by any means perfect, but they represent the real me. I am so many things, so many things that I am still discovering. This dress ties in my past, my present and my future. I am not the same person I was on that day almost 9 years ago, I feel more as if I was hiding her. I didn't honestly know how to handle her or make her fit in my life. I love the analogy of the puzzle which I have said before...now as I am getting older I am finding pieces that have always been there and I just kept passing them aside and now I have to get on with it and make them fit otherwise the whole puzzle (life) will be ruined and I will never reap the reward of such a magnificent picture awaiting me at the end. I am learning to be humbled and seek for help and accept it and most of all knowing I cannot do it all on my own. I have a close friend who did something similar and then she posted her pictures and wrote words that touched my soul. I look up to her so much and I am amazed at the strength and love that she holds. I will say it again..I am blessed with the friends and family that become intertwined in my life.

Anyway, I am going to wait until Eve's baptism to post the rest of the pictures with me and Eve because they are so completely special to me. She is my only girl and I love her more than words can ever describe. I will look back on these pictures and be so thankful that we took an hour out of our busy schedule for such priceless memories. I will hold them in my heart forever! I was crying off and on all day yesterday and a little at church today. I know it has not all hit, but it will by the baptism and I only can pray for strength and comfort. I am also starting my therapy on Thursday, so there is a lot on my plate right now- I am walking blindly by faith, faith to know that this is what I have to do and that's it's the right decision.

Here are the rest of the pictures.

Happy 8th Birthday EVE!!!

Well it's 4:31 am and I have already started the water works. I can't believe that my first baby is 8 years old today! This is a day that I have been dreading for a long long time and yet have longed for all at the same time. As a mother who has carried this child it is hard for me to look at her and see how fast time seems to slip by. Every day she is bigger, smarter and most of all not so inclined to need me anymore...she is growing up and today starts the path of her OWN journey. She is to be baptized on Oct. 10th at 9:00 in the morning and it is coming all too soon. I have to somehow get the program together which is really difficult for me right now. I have to get through this day and be strong. I love my little girl with all my heart! I always knew that my first would be a little girl, God knew my heart and my wish. Maybe it was because our bond was so tight in Heaven that I just knew that she would be here soon with me, I never really thought about it that way. It has been a struggle over the years, she is one of a kind and that's why I love her sooooo much! And as a first time mother I am always learning, Bishop said in her interview that first children should get extra points for putting up with everything. She is is simply amazing! She is wonderful! I always say she may look like me, but she is the spitting image of Geoff...to a "T". And yet I also see other sides to her that I have passed on. Eve is very intuitive and picks up on a lot of things that other kids don't (so we have learned to be careful, ha,ha) She is also very grown up for her age about life in general, we have been very open and in those instances she has blown me away by her understanding. I still am amazed...it seems like just a little while ago I was getting ready to go to the hospital because my water broke out of no where 3 weeks early! I remember my midwife asking when I called if I was sure that my water really broke? It cracks me up....up well I am having to put 3 towels between my legs and it's still gushing down the sides.lol It's a little graphic but that's life. We where so excited, everything was so new and adventurous. I used to lie awake during the night and ask Geoff.."What do you think she will look like?" "Who will she look like?" She came when she wanted, it's just like her to do so. Just about 25 min. of pushing and she was out with a splash. They set her on my lap and I had never seen anything so beautiful in all my life. She was tiny and perfect and exceptionally beautiful. She was a doll baby, I used to get all kinds of people that would ask if she modeled and they would take pictures of her because she has the most beautiful blueish aqua eyes. Days seems to pass without permission and that's how I am here 8 years later and wondering where did all the time go? I pray to Heavenly Father that when I die I will be able to remember! Remember all the precious memories so that I may hold them forever. I love my little girl.