Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Is the Rain Ever Going to Leave?

I have not posted in a while because there has not been much to say until now- I AM GOING NUTS!!! because of this weather. Am I alone on this people? Does anyone have these same feelings? or am I having a pre-mid life crisis? In all seriousness, it is making me crazy and now just plain depressed. This is one of the many reasons why our little family is discussing expanding our horizons in this large world. Of course, our families are not exactly ecstatic about this new adventure we might undertake, but I really feel like I need a change to keep my sanity. Have you ever felt like that? please give me your info. This is something that has been happening for sometime, but I had always passed it off and recently I have really felt that God has given us such a large, beautiful diverse world and I want to experience it!

It was at our R.S. dinner last night and a woman talked about this very same subject, asking- Do you ever wonder? Do you wonder why you are here, in Vancouver, WA? Do you ever wonder what you are doing here? Do you ever wonder about your dreams? If they will ever happen? Why you have them? And as she is asking these questions I start to ponder about our own situation and I thought this talk was for me. She then went on to say that our dreams may happen soon, they might take some time, but you basically have them for a reason, at least that is what I got from her message. That we all have some part to fill in this world and maybe when we are done with the thing that we have been doing we need to turn the page and start a new chapter. Over all I enjoyed her talk because I needed to hear it and I've never heard anything like it at church before, I found it to be refreshing. These have been deep thoughts by Sarah Swanger.

Today is a special day, Manti is 5 months old! It is so crazy how fast it is going by, I find myself telling me to remember to take the time and cherish the moments because he very well could be my last baby. When I was at the dinner last night there is a younger sister in the ward and she loves to hold my baby, after 3 I do not mind! and she asked for him and I gave him to her and she soaked him all up from the moment she touched him, she would not even eat dinner because she loved holding him so much. She said to me, you get him all night, I don't get that, my husband won't let me have another one because my 2nd is almost in school. I would glance over quite often to check on him and I felt so much for this woman, you could see the love and need she longs for from another child of God. After quite a while he started to get cranky and I grabbed him so he wouldn't distract others and I embraced him with a much more thankfulness for him and I thought of how lucky I am and how special he is to our family. Every one always says he's such a smiley baby and I am so grateful for that, that he brings smiles and joy. I was overall so thankful to witness this woman loving my child and how truly blessed I felt from watching the whole experience.

Newborns have so much love to offer us. This morning I woke up so sick and feel multiple awful feelings, nausea, headaches, body aches, sore throat, etc. etc. I could not even function, I managed to get to the tub, because for some reason it makes my stomach feel better and then I thought, What am I doing? How am I going to get out of this tub? I feel like I am going to pass out. Somehow I managed to build up enough strength to pull myself up and it felt like an out of body experience, it's the weirdest feeling, my body is moving, but I do not feel connected to it in any way. Has that ever happened to any of you? This feeling is what I have always envisioned what being high on drugs was like. This is the reason why I do not understand why people like to use drugs, but I am getting off the subject, and there is a point, I promise. So, while I was sitting there feeling so miserable all I could think about was getting a blessing and so I said a prayer and asked to the Priesthood to help me because I hate the feeling of being sick and not being able to take care of my children, let alone myself and especially when I have to get Eve to the bus stop and work a job that very few of us can do tonight. I took some day quil and passed out for only an hour to wake up to a screaming baby and after a few minutes I realized Geoff was not getting up, so I thought, I have to get Manti myself, so I got up and I felt tremendously better, I love it when that happens, when I picked Manti up it was so sweet, I brought him in our bed and laid with him and he calmed right down and just stared into my eyes like he was comforting me, it was like a conversation with out words. I felt him loving me and telling me everything was going to be OK and after a little while of staring and smiling at me he fell softly to sleep. What a wonderful moment! I have had experiences with sickness like this before, but it still amazes me every time when my prayer is answered. And I know that I can't always have the sickness totally leave, but it is great when you are blessed to over come some of it and manage to function and get on with the necessities of everyday living. I love the Priesthood, I feel so thankful to my Heavenly Father for blessing me like he does, he knows what's important in my life.

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