Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Lyrical Notes

Man it has been pretty busy here lately and yes...I have put a lot of it on myself!

I go through these periods where I have to clean and organize because I get such stress from the "clutter" (well for me it is clutter). I guess you could say I am definitely NOT that bad compared to others (about rif-raf), but this need has gotten worse lately. I like to be in control of my home and I HAVE to know where my things are, but when you have 3 young children you can only do so much. I like being an organized person and I feel so much happier when things are not thrown everywhere.

Miss Eve has quite the problem with this and I do admit that when I was her age I did the same thing and my sister Amber would get so mad at me. It makes me laugh now because my family all thought they would have a real problem with me because I had such a lazy streak growing up. Now as an adult I have to remember to get LAZY! It is funny how life hits us....and how much we change and how we all have little corks about us that we struggle with.

Overall it has been going better for me and I am being honest with myself and my family with my emotions and feelings. I know that it is really hard for G to understand me and my thought process at times, but it is what it is and I can only help it so much. I am trying to concentrate on the blessings in my life, all that we have....and so much that others don't. It makes me closer to my Savior, to want to help others even if it is just lending an ear, because many people are going through hardships. I have many family members who struggle so much and it is so difficult to "be there" for them because it hits too close for home. I am trying to understand what Christlike love is and how it applies to ALL. It is a difficult concept to grasp at times.

I often go to music to find peace. I have several LDS artists' cds and they have helped me so much. There is one sister who is my favorite, her name is Mindy Glendhill. As far as I know she has just 2 cds and they are amazing! The first one brought me to my Savior when I was on my spiritual journey and now the second is bringing me to myself. The songs..words her voice..are filled with the Spirit and every time she brings me to tears. I am so thankful for people like her who use their talents to help others. When her second cd came out I thought it was a little weird and very different from the first which is extremely spiritual ( even with a couple hymns). I kind of forgot altogether that I had the new one and I got it out after I got back from Utah and thought I would try it out again because I love the fist album so much. As I somewhat listened through the hustle and bustle of the morning routines I found her words! Tears struck me again. It is so crazy how you could listen to something or read something and then sometime later read or listen again and the words just jump out at you with so much meaning. I have had some real lows lately with some highs and I wanted to post the lyrics that really touched me.

Feather in The WIND
"I'm a feather in the wind I'm up and then I'm down again and oh, the places I have been to Heaven's gates and 'round the bend but things are never what they appear to be 'cus everybody's trying to grab a hold of me.....
I'm a reflection in the glass ' cus I can't keep from looking back and all the pieces that I lack are stuck inside a broken past.......
so I will dig a little deeper than what the eye can see and if anybody asks I'm making friends at last with my reflection in the glass..
'cus so many different pieces make up the whole of me so hold me in your hands and take as I am.."

" I'm gonna rock your world gonna blow you away 'cus I'm a flash flood storm on a summer's day..

Joni Mitchell song that Mindy sang (Both Sides Now)
"...I've looked at clouds that way but now they only block the sun they rain and snow on everyone so many things I wouldn't have done but the clouds got in my way Ive looked at clouds from both sides now from up and down and still somehow it's cloud illusions I recall I really don't know clouds at all....
but now old friends are acting strange they shake their heads they say I've changed well something's lost but something's gained gained in living everyday I've looked at life from both sides now from win and lose and still somehow it's life's illusions I recall I really don't know life at all.."

My favorite.. (HARD)
" Why do I promise I'll never turn back when one step ahead steps right into the past? And I'm back to the start where my head's taken over my heart again Twisting and turning I'm tangled and torn too broken too bent to be fixed anymore Half crazy for home like a castaway prisoner of war It's hard to believe that you could love the hardest parts of me and it's hard to conceive the way your love unravels me It's not that I don't want to give you my heart It's just hard Some mornings it's hard just to get out of bed when the ones that I love are shaking there heads and like a fly on the screen I'm just buzzin' between my life and my dreams It's just hard..
So bring on the fire that feeds this desire to be unbreakable 'cus it's make me or break me So please make me wake up to something more 'cus it's just hard to believe...

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