April Madness

Yes it has been a while...I have been having some lows lately and it really gets to me and I tend to put myself in a box. I usually am pretty outgoing and when I have my down days I don't want to see or hear from anyone..just be by myself. It is a cruel and vicious cycle and no matter how much sleep I get it is never enough. All of this has made me really aware of myself and what is normal and what is depression. I have been so good for so long and I didn't understand why satan was working on me so hard...it all makes sense now and for the first time in a while I woke up and felt a little excited and freer.

We can now say publicly that we are moving!!!! It has been a long process and somehow everything has fallen into place. I am so thankful for the blessings in my life...this is proof that Heavenly Father watches out for me and for my family. We have said countless prayers for direction and purpose and we are finally getting on that path.

We are are renting out our house and moving in with Geoff's parents and paying off debts and saving up and most of all going to school. The house is too much for me to take care of all by myself. Geoff will be working as much as possible this late Spring and Summer and then he is going to start school in the fall still while working at Frito. I know that he will not have the time and energy to do much and staying in the house is too stressful physically, mentally and financially. If we stayed in the house I would have to continue to work about the same that I am right now..4 nights a week to keep up with the finances. It's just not worth it and yet the Spirit has confirmed to me that selling is not right either and that's when the the idea for renting out came in my head. It's nuts because right when that happened I thought of this family who I could call reguarding renting out because I knew that they where renting and I don't know much about it. So I called and she said that they where wanting to leave their rental and end their lease in the Spring! And from there things have just fallen into place. I am eager to downsize and de-stress my life. I would love to also start taking classes for me too and do more activities with my children and be more involved period. So that is our story. We will continue to stay in our ward because we love it and our friends and if anything I will be able to see more of them than I do right now! I miss being able to go out and hang out, I am trapped at home or at work. I like working to a point, but I am tired and I feel the time is now. It's weird...I usually am anxious and worried, but I haven't been..it's been total peaceful. The sadness is the hard things to shake and it's a weakness and I will have to fight it always.

I am expanding my horizons creatively and trying to figure out what I really want to do. So I marched myself down to the WA ST. IRS office and got a business license. My company in called Blue Luxx. I am going to start with hair accessories and then work up to photography. I love props and fun whimsical stuff and also many other things too. I want to have a collection of things in a wide variety that people can choose to use for their photos. The problem now is space. I might only be able to do outdoor for now. We are actually going to rent out a storage and I thought about getting a bigger one and using that for my business too. It would be nice to have a place to keep backgrounds and props with lighting/photo accessories. We will see what the future holds. lol

Back to the house..........we are going to be out before May first. IT IS CRAZY, but I know it's the right thing to do. So many doors are opening for us and I can't help, but tear up from gratefulness.

Also today I decided that we are for sure going to visit my two sisters in Idaho in the beginning of June at their new house and see all their family. Little Emily will be so excited to see Ti Ti. I am already breathing easier.

Today I took mostly everything off my walls and I had no problem with it. I know it will all come together, we even have the dining set taken care of that we needed to sell. Now it's onto the big screen and surround sound. It is an awesome system, but it's not worth keeping and we don't have the space and the time either. I am excited to NOT have cable or satellite, I don't know if I will ever get it again. SIMPLIFY, SIMPLIFY, SIMPLIFY!!!!!

I will keep up better with the updates.