Swanger Family Update

Oh my goodness it has been such a long time!!!! Lets see.... Eve and Jackson both go to Hazel Dell elem. and it is good, but quite a transition. It is crazy to see my big guy in K and my first in 3rd grade...I REMEMBER 3RD GRADE!!!!! That is when you know you are truly getting older. Eve is now 9 and Jackson is 6.

We are still living in Geoff's parent's house and we are very blessed to do so. We make it work. It is nice not having all the responsibilities of a home owner on me right now in my life and I don't know when I will able to do so either. We will probably be in a transitional period for quite some time. I cannot quite explain what I feel and what I know is best for our family. We just want to become a stronger family and bring ourselves to Christ. Our life is so complicated making us detour from which we really want....time with each other. We are renting out our house and the last change was changing wards and going to 1st which is in the boundaries. I am having a little bit of a hard time with this new ward, but I know that this change was time. The ward is very dry and although I have found a couple warm spirits I feel very lonely and on my own. The meetings are different and I don't mean to knock it, but the spiritualness that I felt in my old ward was so much stronger and I find I have to really depend on my own personal testimony for strength. It is all a learning experience and I know it's a part of the refining process.

Geoff is looking into a profession which has just kind of crept up on us this past year and now we are both feeling really good about it. If everything goes well and we still feel this is right than he can start school as soon as Jan. 3rd. I have no doubt that Heavenly Father will provide a way!! I am normally a basketcase and yet I have had complete peace though out all our struggles and this life changing decision. It is amazing to me to look back on the past year and see all the changes that have happened and what has fallen into place. I've learned most of all this year that the eternal importances are the only things worth really worrying about.

We have only until the end of the month until we go on our big vacation to Florida!! :)
We are leaving on the 30th which is Manti's 3rd birthday. We will return after the 12th of Dec. We are celebrating our 10th anniversary on Dec. 2nd and going to Harry Potter park (us only) and then Disney World with the family. G's parents are coming back at the end of the first week with Eve and Jackson so that G and I can go to Key West for the remainder of the trip and visit his sister who lives there with her family. We will have Tiger with us and we will have so much fun! Hopefully the monster side of him will stay with the house while we are gone, but I know that is asking for a miracle.

I can't believe we are staring at Thanksgiving already!! And then the craziness of Black Friday (which I don't know if I will be participating in this year) and then we leave and when we come back it will be Christmas around the corner. I actually am almost done with Christmas. I got my kids done a month and a half ago! That is just pure craziness for me, but now with all the business of our everyday lives I am so grateful that that oportunity fell in my lap. Then it will be New Years and G will start school... hopefully!! At that point a huge change will happen for me and that is going down to 2 shifts a week, that is half of what I work currantly. Next month I will have been working at OB for 12 years!!!!! So this change is really gigantic for me and for our family and for my marriage. I will try 2 and if it doesn't work than 1 and if that still doesn't work than I am totally willing to part with it in my determination for a better life and most of all a stronger family. I have known for some time that I am nearing the end of my profession and this chapter in my life is almost done. I don't want to work anymore, I dream of being home with my family. I know that is so hard to do this, but it will be worth it. I just want G to choose a profession that he will be happy with and that he can prosper and grow while providing enough for me to not to ever HAVE to work. We know that we have to take steps backwards before we can go in this direction.

Blue Luxx

I am having a hair accessories/ jewelry open house this Friday the 27th and Saturday the 28th from 11:30-2:00 both days. There is something for all ages and from all different prices, but everything is wholesale and much, much less than you would pay for in any retail. Most of my items are silver and gold and are high quality. If you are interested please come and tell anyone who you think would be interested. Location is 8712 NE 35TH AVE.

I have listed items on my fun creative blog @ sassychicstyle.blogspot.com

Also email me if you have any questions BLUE LUXX by SAS @ sasevechiclive.com

Thanks, SAS

I am just letting you know I am still here.... well somewhat.

Life is a transition I don't ever think I will get used to. I feel like I am several people packed into this body with all different kinds of emotions, thoughts and personalities and my brain is trying to juggle them all. I am tired... oh so tired!!!

I don't know what I want to do with my life and I am growing tired of the one I am living and I am only 30 years old.. this is quite sad. I am worn out and I need direction. I love my family and without them I would be lost entirely. I have a wonderful husband that seems to love me to no end and can't picture his future without me. I have 3 wonderfully unique and crazy kids that I adore. I will say that G and I do make some dang good look'n kids. he,he,he

I am unsettled and I do not like it, no I do not like it one bit!!! I am a planner and an avid organizer for those that don't know me too much. I like things color coordinated, put in specific places, organized by item....I like walls...space...it allows me to breath fully. My body cannot physically handle stress anymore and I get horribly sick to the point of pretty much non functioning. I am just venting here people- I haven't done it in a while and it feels good. I am learning I am not the only person in this world that feels these certain things.

I had a difficult time last night, it really sunk in. I understand all too well the misery that one can feel from depression. After shedding many tears I made myself go to sleep and just sat there while my thoughts turned to Randy's face and what pain can really do to you. I understand it and I am so grateful to have that understanding. Through this I know my Savior more and know what his Atonement really offers all of us.

I woke up this morning to a hymn in my head, something that never usually happens and I know it was the Spirit giving me comfort.

I STAND ALL AMAZED AT THE LOVE JESUS OFFERS ME.....CONFUSED AT THE GRACE THAT SO FULLY HE PROFFERS ME..THAT FOR ME A SINNER HE SUFFERED HE BLED AND DIED... OH IT IS WONDERFUL THAT HE SHOULD CARE FOR ME ENOUGH TO DIE FOR ME....OH IT IS WONDERFUL , WONDERFUL TO ME!
TO RESCUE A SOUL SO REBELLIOUS AND PROUD AS MINE...THAT HE SHOULD EXTEND HIS GREAT LOVE UNTO SUCH AS I... SUFFICIENT TO OWN TO REDEEM AND TO JUSTIFY...SUCH MERCY, SUCH LOVE AND DEVOTION CAN I FORGET?.. NO, NO I WILL PRAISE AND ADORE AT THE MERCY SEAT...UNTIL AT THE GLORIFIED THRONE I KNEEL AT HIS FEET....OH IT IS WONDERFUL THAT HE SHOULD CARE FOR ME ENOUGH TO DIE FOR ME...OH IT IS WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL TO ME!

Today has been a day that I would never want to relive. There are so many things thoughts that are racing through my brain and yet I am empty. I just wanted to share a quote that I found today that brought me comfort..."It is NEVER too late for peace". I believe this with ALL my heart and I know that God wants this for us. HE loves us more that we can even comprehend. Our Savior suffered for us and took that upon HIM so that we would not have to, but as we all know life does not happen the way that we want or think it should. All I am saying is that there is so much grace when we seek for it. God is loving and God is merciful! The only thing that brings me comfort is that my brother in law is now finaly at peace and can actually feel pure and unconditional love.

June 11th

I feel like saying...I give up! I give up on trying soooo hard! I seem to do it try to do it all and then when I realize that it's too much I don't do it at all. I desire to keep up with my blog and my dreams and projects and then I have no energy left. We have been moving so fast and if that's not enough we have all been sick off and on. We can't seem to catch a break!

My sisters Amber and Linsy where able to come and visit me for a while with little Emily. The situation was quite different to say the least. The first day Amber said...Sarah, do you every miss your house? I replied..NO! She said REALLY?! I DO! lol....so funny. It is hard to explain, but there is a time and a season for everything and I just know without a doubt that we where supposed to leave the house. I am however learning that hard way that I need to pick and choose my battles. This house that we are in is not mine and it is hard to be in a space that is not organized like I am used to. I am not saying that my house was perfect by any means, it's just different all together. I like things neat and tidy and you can't simply do that with little children. WHERE IS THE BALANCE???? This is my struggle.

I am on racing speed and I am going out of control. I know that I have an addiction problem and it is filling the space that evolves within me. Whether it is food, shopping, organizing, cleaning etc. they all feed it. I need to put myself in productive timeouts where I give myself genuine TLC. It sounds dorky, but it works. We spend all day cleaning, mending, washing, feeding, etc...we really need to set a certain amount of time out for ourselves and ourselves alone....not shopping for jeans for the kids.

I think I want to take a break from my life and my expectations and we'll see where that gets me.